Older Moms: Having a Baby When You're Over 40

What’s it like to have a baby just as your friends’ kids are heading off to college? And what’s the effect of age going to be on you and your child?  Learn the answers from a group of moms – and their kids – who have been through it.  Some of these moms had their first child when they were over 40; others had kids when they were younger, and then began a second round of childrearing later in life. They’ll tell you what it’s really like – from maintaining the stamina necessary to raise a young kid, to being older than the other moms in the play group, mixing childrearing with work, dealing with your child’s concerns about age, and applying an increased level of maturity and experience to family life.  Join host Dr. Winnie King, two psychologists, an older-mom/author, and an engaging, varied group of moms and kids, to get the real story of the pros and cons of being an “older mom!”

Guests:

Susan Bartell, PsyD – Psychologist; Counsels Older Moms in Private Practice on Long Island, NY; Author, Step Living for Teens, and Mommy or Daddy: Whose Side Am I On?; On Expert Advisory Panels for “Women’s Health and Fitness,” “Baby Years” and “Pregnancy”; Can be heard weekly on the Florida-based radio show, “Parent Talk.” 
           
Moms Who Had First Child When Over Forty

• Liz Aiello – TV Producer; gave birth to twins
• Meryl Weinman Dorf, PhD – Psychologist; Adopted a baby from Romania at age 48
• Debra Capone – Author of children’s books, including Families Are Forever (about adoption); Adopted 11-month-old daughter from China at age 43
• Nancy London – Author of Hot Flashes, Warm Bottles: First-Time Mothers Over Forty; currently 59 years old with  a 15-year old daughter
• Renee Feuerbach – Adopted infant son when she was over forty; adopted his younger newborn sister after this segment was taped

Moms who had one or more children as a young mom, then had another child as an “Older Mom”

• Jann Blackstone-Ford, MA – Author, Midlife Motherhood; had first child in twenties, had second-marriage child as she reached forty
• Harleigh Ford – Jann’s youngest daughter, age 13
• Kathryn Hairston – Realtor and Stay-at-Home Mom; had several children as young mom, then had second-marriage child at age 42
• John Hairston – Kathy’s youngest son, age 16

Tips:

The maturity that goes with being an older mom brings many advantages, often including less stress on a marriage, more certainty about one’s identity, and more ease about childrearing.  However, many moms are surprised to find that there are also some concerns and issues that they may face:
 
Some Issues That Older Moms Are Likely to Face:

• Struggle with her identity – going from having a full-time career to being a mom
• Isolation – Her same-age peers are at different stage of life, so she sometimes feels left out, and there’s a sense of different priorities than fellow (younger) mothers
• Stress – High expectations of what being a mom is going to be like. Her baby is incredibly important to her, a major investment because she’s waited so long, so there can sometimes be stress associated with the need for everything to be perfect, and for everything to be done right.  
• Fatigue – sometimes, though not always, fatigue can be greater with older moms

What can an older mom do?

• Make sure you ask for help from your partner and your friends and family – and from professionals if you can afford to get help. 
• Talk with other older moms.  Find a network of friends who are going through motherhood at the same stage of life, so you don’t always feel left out or disconnected.  (See web site below)
• Exercise to stay in shape and make it easier to keep up with your kids; eat right, and get enough sleep!

Resources: 

Midlife Mother Website(Information and Support for Older Mothers)
http://www.midlifemother.com/

Books:
Hot Flashes, Warm Bottle:  First-Time Mothers Over Forty by Nancy London
Midlife Motherhood by Jann Blackstone-Ford

Winnie King, M.D.